Headstand Made Me Cry
Yeah that’s right, I just announced that to the internets. But I’m not the only one who gets emotional in yoga, as evidenced by the nearly 13 million web sites from Google. They say we store our emotions deep within our bodies, so when we open those joints and spaces that are normally closed off, say, for instance, our hips, a tidal wave of emotions falls over us.
I thought this was a bunch of BS until last night.
I’ve been taking classes regularly from an amazing teacher here in Louisville, Susan Schroeder. She teaches all around town and runs the Louisville Yoga Co-Op which encourages and supports affordable yoga around Louisville.
Her classes are challenging. They make me feel like a new student every time because I’m constantly learning new poses, new alignments, new perspectives.
Last night, we started working into a series of poses that I recognized as being prep poses for headstand. I panicked. By the time we got into Dolphin pose, my anxiety came rushing in, and the internal dialogue went from blissful to self-doubtful. I don’t understand headstand. Is the right part of my head on the ground? My pony tail is suddenly in the way. Are my hands cupped right? My shoulders just aren’t strong enough to support me. Are they supposed to be pushing down towards the ground or hugged in at my shoulder blades? How am I supposed to push my head into the ground without my neck snapping in half?
Susan did a great job of explaining the steps to get into headstand, as she does with every pose, and everyone around me was popping their legs up in the air. But I could hardly get my torso vertical. Then…my eyes got misty.
Childs pose came next and I gratefully folded my head between my arms, happy to have that moment to get my shit together. I wondered, was my emotional breakdown from frustration? Or was the mystical and elusive “emotional release” they speak of actually happening to me??
I’m not the only one with upside-down-phobia. According to this article from Yoga Journal, many people have anxiety about being upside down with so little to support them. Here’s a little excerpt from the article (that is actually about handstands, not headstands) that spoke to me:
Since Handstand brings you face to face with your insecurities and fears, it provides a wonderful laboratory where you can observe and work on overcoming all such emotions. Handstand offers a controlled situation in which you can develop self-confidence, courage, and, Cooper emphasizes, a somewhat playful and curious approach to solving challenges. In addition, she says, Handstand increases your understanding and control of your body because it turns your world upside down and requires you to master an unfamiliar relationship with gravity.
The irony. The pose fosters self-confidence and courage, but those are exactly the qualities I need to get my ass feet up in the air.
I am officially declaring headstand as my arch nemesis, and he will be mine. Oh yes, he will be mine.
Have you ever cried in a yoga class? Was it from emotional release or because you were frustrated? Have any tips for headstand?
Comments (3)
Have you tried using the wall? it’s much less scary that way.
I use the wall for the “kick-up” inversions, but for tripod headstand and regular headstand I try to do the “raise-up” technique. I only recently was able to “raise-up” in tripod and it was a glorious feeling! I’ll get there one day.
I cried too when I manage to get up into full headstand the first time by myself.
I think it’s a joyful release of emotions… feels like a surge of energy upward and an overcome fear turns into courage, although it is just a few seconds.
I think it is a wonderful experience.